The question no one asks me about communal living

There’s something crucial missing from the discussion.

Co-steward (& honorary auntie) Lindsay gardening with my little ones at our shared home.

When I reveal that my family of four shares a small home with two other parties for part of the year, I’m usually met with genuine curiosity and some variation and combination of the following questions: 

Is it a timeshare?
(Nope.)

Who cooks?
(Answer here, plus a follow-up here.)

Who cleans?
(Everyone.)

How did you find the house together?
(Answer here.)

Where does everyone sleep?
(Answer here, plus an update here.)

What’s the bathroom situation with that many people?
(Answer here.)

Who picks the decor?
(Answer here.)

How do you agree on furniture and bigger purchases?
(Same as above.)

How do you share expenses?
(The adults split nearly everything, and use the Splitwise App to settle up.)

Did you buy with other people because you were priced out of the housing market?
(We were definitely priced out. But that’s not the reason.) 

Don’t you argue a lot?
(No, but that’s a deeper question that deserves its own post.)

What will you do if things don’t work out?
(Same as anything else — a marriage, employment, a move to a new city, or even a haircut. We’re giving it our best, and if it doesn’t work, we’ll figure it out.) 

Above: Deciding on the placement of antique planters as a group.

These are all valid questions that shape the typical American conversation surrounding communal living. But something simple and important is missing from the discussion: